Monday, August 31, 2009

Have You Seen My Passion?

I appear to have lost it. That’s how it feels anyway. Over the last few months, I’ve started to question things I thought were firmly planted beliefs. I’ve questioned where I wanted to live, and what I want to do. I even thought it was perhaps just a situational depression over circumstances of life. It didn’t feel how I imagined depression would feel. It was just blah – without direction or desire. Yet, I could snap out of it if I found a book, a topic or a movie that interested me. If I got a call from a friend or a family member, I suddenly had lots of things to talk about. It was not my ‘play time’ that was without direction. It was my ‘work’.


I feel a little lost without a schedule and a to-do list. I found I was creating a schedule around the TV. Good gracious, look what I was missing, before I lost my passion. There was West Wing in the morning on Bravo, there were CSI episodes all day long on Spike TV, and the NCIS in the evening on USA, back to back to back episodes, just as advertised. It wasn’t the best schedule I ever had, but it was a schedule, and I found comfort in it. And it wasn’t making my heart sing. Humming, maybe a little, but full out singing? Not so much.

I’ve always felt that if you didn’t like what you were doing for work, then it wasn’t the right job for you. You know you are in the right place when you wake up excited about your day. Not every day is going to be stellar, but it should be something you are excited to do most every day.

Right now, I seem to have lost my passion for work. I’m not even sure what work is anymore. I used to know. I used to have specific things to do. Maybe I am in between passions.

So how do you find your passion? It’s not like there is a passion aisle at your local super store. Passion? Oh, that’s on Aisle 4B. The Blue Light Special on the Passion Aisle.

Where and how did you find your passion? By trial and error? I certainly know what isn’t my passion. I have a long list that I won’t bore you with. Cleaning fish guts is probably at the top of it. Fame and fortune come in a close second. Okay, scratch that. I’ll take fortune, but have no desire for the fame part of it.

I’m a writer. That’s certainly part of my passion equation. So, armed with pad and pencil, I’m going on a passion hunt. I know my passion is out there somewhere. I know it begins within. I know it will make my heart sing.
~Betsy~

Addendum: Check out what Karen Bishop has to say in her lastest Wings article at www.emergingearthangels.com I guess I’m not alone.

7 comments:

  1. Hmmm...I wrote something here...it got lost (goes with the lost theme). Ok, I'll type it again, since I have nothing better to do...lost creature that I am as well ;-). I wrote that you are certainly not alone. Its happening to the best of us. And I'm the best -- its happening to me :-P. I am so darned lost...I have no idea where to find me. If you see me anywhere, please put me in a box, put the address, stamps, and put the box in the mailbox.

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  2. Hi Betsy~
    I so relate to what you are saying. The past couple of months, I've felt a bit lost from my passion. I had some "rock my world not in a good way" circumstances and I was thrown off kilter. It was in my passion-zone part of my world and I started to question "just what am I doing???"

    Still, I had some goals (a Mt Shasta symposium for one!) ahead so I felt like I had a direction, but most of the day I felt like I was on "auto pilot"...and I WANTED to curl up with the TV remote and I would be content! (by the way, have you noticed how many of those shows have just initials as titles?!? :) )

    I was lead to Karen B's latest article last week and felt a kinship to what she wrote.

    I have processed, evaluated and concluded - all the time repeating to myself "All is in Divine Order...this too shall pass...and tomorrow's another day!"

    I also know for myself, I had to get back to basics and see what passion bubbled to the surface. It is bubbling up and I have faith that I will feel back on track again any minute now! And for the record...back to basics for me is folding the laundry, watering the garden and making sure the dogs are fed...that basic!

    I'm feeling better - the passion meter is getting beginning to rise again. I had to walk away to figure it out.

    Big hugs to you ~ we're not alone!
    Paula

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  3. Oh thank you both of you for pointing me to Karen Bishop. Once again, her energy alert has been a sanity savior. Except for the insomnia...everything else seems to be describing me to a T. Even including the feelings of "prostituting" onself in doing the old things. lol! I swear...sometimes I feel she has a spy camera inside my psyche.

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  4. Wow Betsy, I have tears in my eyes. I feel like you were writing exactly what I've been feeling. I'm not sure what I'm doing but went back to school full time for a degree I've wanted since I was 10 years old (It only took 37 years for me to get it!). I feel passionate about what I'm doing - a little daunted, but passionate.

    Your passion for writing is just waiting to fully express itself! I can't wait to read more!

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  5. I'm not sure why my profile posted as Cindy, it's Janice Olson who wrote the previous post. How strange!!!

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  6. LOL Janice. I can edit your name. Don't know why it says Cindy, but I'm guessing perhaps you accidently typed her name in your profile somehow. I am passionate about writing usually, but I've had a dry spell here for a bit. Maybe because moving and getting resettled and adjusted just takes time.

    Thanks Paula and Swati for sharing!

    ~Betsy~

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  7. Writing is one of my passions. God/prayer/angels/spirituality are one (or more)of my passions. Wine (in moderation) and good food (sometimes not in moderation, keep gaining and losing same 3 pounds!) are also passions...

    But sometimes things do feel flat. I have been having a flat spell myself, although I think it has to do with a diffused grief as our kitty died a little over a month ago. Rick is grieving more outright--mine is more of a blah.

    I'm sure you will find your passion again soon, I enjoy reading your blog!

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