I appear to have lost it. That’s how it feels anyway. Over the last few months, I’ve started to question things I thought were firmly planted beliefs. I’ve questioned where I wanted to live, and what I want to do. I even thought it was perhaps just a situational depression over circumstances of life. It didn’t feel how I imagined depression would feel. It was just blah – without direction or desire. Yet, I could snap out of it if I found a book, a topic or a movie that interested me. If I got a call from a friend or a family member, I suddenly had lots of things to talk about. It was not my ‘play time’ that was without direction. It was my ‘work’.
I feel a little lost without a schedule and a to-do list. I found I was creating a schedule around the TV. Good gracious, look what I was missing, before I lost my passion. There was West Wing in the morning on Bravo, there were CSI episodes all day long on Spike TV, and the NCIS in the evening on USA, back to back to back episodes, just as advertised. It wasn’t the best schedule I ever had, but it was a schedule, and I found comfort in it. And it wasn’t making my heart sing. Humming, maybe a little, but full out singing? Not so much.
I’ve always felt that if you didn’t like what you were doing for work, then it wasn’t the right job for you. You know you are in the right place when you wake up excited about your day. Not every day is going to be stellar, but it should be something you are excited to do most every day.
Right now, I seem to have lost my passion for work. I’m not even sure what work is anymore. I used to know. I used to have specific things to do. Maybe I am in between passions.
So how do you find your passion? It’s not like there is a passion aisle at your local super store. Passion? Oh, that’s on Aisle 4B. The Blue Light Special on the Passion Aisle.
Where and how did you find your passion? By trial and error? I certainly know what isn’t my passion. I have a long list that I won’t bore you with. Cleaning fish guts is probably at the top of it. Fame and fortune come in a close second. Okay, scratch that. I’ll take fortune, but have no desire for the fame part of it.
I’m a writer. That’s certainly part of my passion equation. So, armed with pad and pencil, I’m going on a passion hunt. I know my passion is out there somewhere. I know it begins within. I know it will make my heart sing.
Addendum: Check out what Karen Bishop has to say in her lastest Wings article at www.emergingearthangels.com I guess I’m not alone.